Ever wondered why people hug each other on departures or arrivals? According to the book, "this style of embrace contains silent evidence of attachment: an imposed separation; or the threat of one, reflexively makes people want to re-establish skin-to-skin contact". Hmm...
Another interesting finding, "A person who lacks a stable centre (love) feels an urgent need to fill the gap - he needs something to orient himself as he navigates the world. Since he cannot use the limbic tools that penetrate the core of self and others, he will look to external cues - those he can be sure about. Thwarted attachment and limbic disconnection thus encourage superficiality and narcissism. People who cannot see content must settle for appearances. They will cling to the image with the desperation appropriate to those who lack an alternative" Have the modern culture gone shallow?
Anyway, had a good time shopping, dinner and making a new friend at that with him previously. Am also glad to know someone would "love me" (figure of speech) for, of all things, hair conditioners... rare find, mind you!
Learnt interesting concepts:
Fave quotes from the book:
"Every attribute confers a matching vulnerability; each heroic strength finds its mirror image in a tragic flaw" (note: aptly said, we gain strength with every setback)
"The simple equation of love. Like this: Relationship lives on time. They devour it in the way that bees feed on pollen: with an unbending singularity of purpose and no possibility of compromise or substitution. Relatedness is a physiological process that, like digestion or bone growth, admits no plausible acceleration. And so the skills of becoming and remaining attuned to another's emotional rythm requires a solid investment of years. Every new second of togetherness re-establishes the terms of a relationship." (note: talk about vested interest)
"Loving is mutuality; a synchronous attunement and modulation, of knowing the other, derives from intimacy, the prolonged and detailed surveillance of a foreign soul. It is a reciprocal physiologic influence, it entails a deeper and more literal connection."
"The physiology of love is no barter. Love is simultaneous mutual regulation, wherein each person meets the needs of the other, because neither can provide for his own. Such a relationship is not 50-50; its 100-100... within reciprocity, both thrive. For those who attain it, the benefits of deep attachment are powerful... they are resilient to the stresses of daily life, or even to those of extraordinary circumstance... Withholding reciprocation cripples a healthy partner's ability to nourish him; it poisons the well from which she draws the sustenance she means to give... Love cannot be extracted, commanded, demanded, or wheedled. It can only be given."
Afterthoughts:
I am glad that the authors et. al concluded that we demand too much if we expect science to single-handedly define and lay bare the human soul. Indeed, certain things are beyond explanation, that's the beauty of the human heart and mind. If we are similar to animals, aren't we 'humiliating' God's creation to a certain degree..? So for the wise, heed their hearts and draw strength from it. Get a mutually benefiting spouse and raise your children with love as it is and will always be the best insurance against the despair for which alot of social problems are a result of the lack of it...
Whoso loves, believes in the impossible - Elizabeth Barett Browning
When you love, you wish to do things for. You wish to sacrifice for. You wish to serve - Ernest Hemingway
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